(An open letter to all single men)
Have you ever chased a girlfriend or a relationship as if it was the “ultimate” prize? As if having a girl and being in an exclusive relationship will solve everything and make your life so much more complete.
Most of your friends are in serious relationships and somehow you always end up being the 3rd wheel or the 5th wheel or you know just an extra observer to another couples event. Don’t get me started with those public smooches in front of you leaving you ducking for cover like a soldier in Saving Private Ryan.
Then you’ve got wedding season and like usual all the regular couples are attending but your date bails on you in the last minute, leaving you man alone, a lone ranger, a wolf pack of one, not cool…but you deal with it and you dance your freaking manly feet off, because, dammit that’s what you do bro!
After a while being all by yourself can get old and really boring. You never really want the party or “braai” to end because when it does you know you’ll be going home alone. Man, all those nights you had to warm up your feet with your hair dryer. Sad but true story. This can easily lead to misery, frustration, loneliness, depression and just an overall downer.
The picture I’m painting here is pretty sad, I know! But gentleman it doesn’t have to be like that!
Yeah sure it is nice to have someone, a team mate, a partner who’s got your back and makes you food every now and then but, it can’t be the “ultimate” goal in your life.
Think about materialistic things (goals) that you’ve chased in your past? Like a car! Man, think about that schweet new VW Polo you’ve been eyeballing… but as soon as that new car smell vanishes and the kilometers start adding up you start growing accustomed to it and shortly there after you start wanting and desiring something better and bigger. It’s a silly example but you get what I’m trying to say here.
If you chase a girlfriend for the wrong reasons (not with a pure heart) isn’t she going to become just like a car to you? Isn’t she going to become boring and leave you wanting and desiring something else. I know it’s harsh. I seriously believe that it is one of the reasons why a lot of relationships are full of hurt, abuse and end up on the rocks. It’s because the heart, at some point, wasn’t pure. Look, I know I might be stepping on a few toes here and this can become a massive debate between us single folk and them married ones, but hear me out:
If you keep chasing a girlfriend for the wrong selfish reasons I can promise you that once you get that girl you’ll get tired of her and desire the “next challenge”. I can tell you now that in most cases this is the reason for relationships not lasting, because “the relationship” was their “ultimate” goal.
I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t want a short term girlfriend or even worse a short term marriage. There is this pretty cool saying – I don’t want a one night stand, I want a one life stand! That’s right I want my first wife to be my last wife.
So gentleman it leaves us with one question… What is our “ultimate” prize?
The ultimate goal must be to chase God and not her! You see, God and his Kingdom should be your ultimate prize. And once you’ve got that sorted the rest will fall in place. Flip, as I’m writing this I’m actually preaching to myself. I need to constantly remind myself that the ultimate goal is, Jesus Christ.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
I used to be that guy who chased “having a girlfriend” as if she was the ultimate prize. Boy, let me tell you I created so much misery and hard times for myself just because of this.
When your heart is not pure you start putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to talk to every girl out there. What is even worse is you feel like such a failure when you miss out on so called “opportunities” to talk to a complete stranger in the gym, grocery store, at the beach, in the mall. As if you need to get every freaking girls number or ask every girl on a date. Too much pressure Bro! Back up and take a look at your heart.
When your heart is not pure you will start to hear and see things that you want to see and hear and not how they really are. You don’t know what that girl’s situation or relationship status is in the grocery store. You don’t even know if you’d really get along or even like her. Stop beating yourself up about it.
Look I do believe it’s your job as a man to find yourself a wife and to pursue her but, you have to pursue her with a pure heart and it definitely can’t be your “ultimate” goal.
So if you’re a single guy and you are reading this it is time to man up! In stead of searching for Missus Right focus on becoming Mister Right! Start getting involved at church, with the youth, in your community etc. It is our purpose as men to one day be the leader of our packs (households), yeah that’s right like a wolf. We are going to be responsible for leading our families in faith and belief. NOW is the perfect time to prepare ourselves and to put on that necessary armor to become a Godly man and a warrior in and for Christ!
I can honestly say that I’ve found my confidence in and through Jesus Christ and he has showed me the type of man I want to be. Heck, that is why I’m writing this… It feels so selfish to keep all of this all to myself. Instead of fantasizing so much about your relationship with your future wife start fantasizing about your relationship with God.
Start chasing God instead of her and soon you will find that you are chasing God with her.
*Side note – It is never too late to become the right man, the right husband or the right father for your child. Even if you are already married or in a relationship. It is never too late to become the man you were always destined to be.